If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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