You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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