Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
whose ass print is on the piano?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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