At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
