I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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