Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize