Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
