A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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