today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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