My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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