So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
