I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
