Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
