You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
