idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
