Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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