I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
