Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
