bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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