I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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