I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize