non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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