hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
