My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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