I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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