My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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