my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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