I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
