wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
