He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
