question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
