Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
