Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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