Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
