i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize