When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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