There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Randomize
