i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
