Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
