I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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