I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
