Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
