man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
