4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
