Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
PANTIES FOUND
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