i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
