wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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