YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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