So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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