Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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