I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize