I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
