and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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