I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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