.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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