Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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