after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
