You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
