drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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