just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
