Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize