I cut my penus on the lid.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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