There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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