She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
