All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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