Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
