he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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