How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
