i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my being single is dangerous.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
