We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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