just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
