we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
