guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
