Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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