I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
